My soul does not live here

Wow.  That is a seriously deep title.  Am I ready to jump into thoughts like that publicly?  That's actually a pretty ironic thing to do, given why I feel like my soul does not live here.  And maybe it's my way of beginning to align my soul with the rest of my life.

It's the ever considered paradox of the human duality.  Our bodies are here, we have to use survival skills to get by.  Meanwhile our souls are screaming for peace.  Will it ever align? 
I feel so comforted and peaceful at home after doing some soul work, meditating or just some self talk, some allowing.  Then I have to go back out into the world and I'm pulled in so many other directions, not by my needs but by others wants:  my boss wants this, my coworkers something else, my customers expect this, my friends something else, even the public in general has expectations of how I should be in the world. 
A simple but goody is the expectation of being polite.  I get it, it's about respect. But if you are getting pissed off that someone else isn't saying a certain word to you, are YOU really being respectful?  You have no idea what is going on with that person, likely it's not intentional and it certainly isn't about you, but you're going to insist on making it so.  And that is unfortunately the majority of how society interacts.  YOU have to behave in a certain way, so I will feel okay. 
And I fall into those habits as well. It's impossible not to.  We've been trained from birth to follow the rules, do as we are told, get the money, be a success!  And almost never just allowed to show up how it feels right that we show up.
I struggle constantly with feeling like I should be doing something different and forgetting that all I really have to do is just BE.  I often ask myself,  "Is this how I want to show up in the world? "
If I'm trying to be what society insists I should, the answer is almost always no! 
It does seem to be an oxymoron to try to be at peace, but still keep moving forward. 
I did catch myself this morning thinking about an upcoming event and how it made me feel powerful, successful and connected.  And I thought do I have to constantly have an event to feel that way?  What if.....what if I felt that way about myself all the time.  Because in the end I'm still the person who held that event, before and after, I was still the same. 
I began this blog site probably 2 years ago, and never posted a single thing.  It's funny how I named it Learning to Shine because it feels like what I said earlier is about letting that glow through.  It's always there, I just need to allow it.